Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
