i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize