Sry I called you an 8
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
