Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize