I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
