Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize