What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
