You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
