can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
