i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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