We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
