ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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