i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is it penis luge time yet?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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