so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize