Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Drake has all the answers
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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