Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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