Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have aggressive nipples.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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