Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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