went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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