i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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