I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
