I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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