uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
