Where is the hickey?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
