hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
