if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You are a genius and a whore.
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