i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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