I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize