two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
