A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
