i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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