I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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