Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
