i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
