Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
