I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just threw up on my dentist
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
