Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
