he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The Olympian is in my bed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
