im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
