Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
