Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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