A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
