Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
