Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
