I feel like abortions should bother me more
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
