You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
people are starting to question the shark bite story
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
