Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
