I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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