Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
