bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize