He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That accounts for only three of the penises
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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