Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
