I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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