She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i think i have two assholes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
