I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
