So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
