Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he fucked my hip out of place.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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