and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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