You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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