I looked at my own cervix.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
