after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
