Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
