I puked a lego.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
