I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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