This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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