And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
