someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize