My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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