the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
