They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
