i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
