Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
